I think that if there's one thing that's really wrong about me, just entirely and inexcusably flawed, it would be the way I express emotion and internally react to things.

I feel like I have no grip on my emotions. When they should be triggered, I couldn't be more indifferent. When I should be spilling apathy out of my ears, I couldn't be more expressive, whether positively or negatively.

Should I really be rushing home to jump into the shower and shave my legs and dig out a pretty dress from my closet and repaint my finger nails and blow dry my hair and make sure I smell nice and really just go out of my way to make sure that I can leave a lasting impression for someone whom I don't know nearly as well as I would like to and not to mention, is leaving in a day? I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with this other person because there isn't. I'M the crazy one who expects people to be ready for anything at any given time and in a perfect world, that's how it would go.

In a perfect world, I would walk over to the lone man in the bookstore and introduce myself and he would do the same and there we would be. Two people together, not just two strangers at opposite sides of the room. In a perfect world, if I wanted to hop on a greyhound to North Dakota with someone I didn't really know all that well, simply because it would give us hours and hours and hours and hours to talk, there they'd be, ready to go. In a perfect world things would happen, something my life has been lacking: the do, the don't, the happenings, the awkward situations, the intimate relations, the explosive arguments, the makeup sex, just everything. But, of course, when something does happen, even the smallest thing, LO AND BEHOLD, it slips right out of my hands. I guess that's a bit presumptuous, though. I mean, who's to say I even had it to begin with (actually, I was very far from that)? This is just the unfortunate reality of mi vita (not so bella).

I'd be lying if I said I weren't partially relieved that I won't have to go through the whole 'goodbye' bit, though. Things can be left how they were and that awful parting of two people (or at least in my perspective, it's pretty icky) never has to happen, at least not directly. There's no worse feeling than having to walk away from someone or something that you know you will never have.

I could just be mad that no one's going to see how cute I look right now. Yeah, that's probably it.